The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
