I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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