I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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