32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
