I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
