Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
