Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
