she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
