Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
