Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
