There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
