don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize