your room smells of hookers.
And success
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
