I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
