Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
