Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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