I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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