Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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