If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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