last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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