we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
