Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Randomize
