Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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