Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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