I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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