Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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