Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
