I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
