in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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