i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
