I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
