Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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