quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
