a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
where are you?
Hypothermia
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
