Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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