if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
