Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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