he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
