You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
