fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
