maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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