You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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