I wish I could punch you in the face.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
