3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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