remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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