your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
