Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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