you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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