They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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