I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
