I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
