This is not my ceiling
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
