I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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