i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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