Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
