my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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