i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
