is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
