so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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