the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
