8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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