I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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