As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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