Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
