Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
