Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
