Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
