so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
