i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
