u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
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I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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