If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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