you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
