I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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