he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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