Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize