i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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