So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
