my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
