Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
